Stream
I.
Sitting quietly upon the banks,
From the purest source I have drank.
It flows crisply, ever gently down,
In its depths I could easily drown.
II.
The sounds are calming and soothing,
They remove my feelings of brooding.
The currents bring relaxation,
My troubles come to cessation.
III.
Whisked to a place only I know,
Before me the tributary flows.
Soon I know that I will be blessed,
Swimming the stream of my consciousness.
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Posted on September 24, 2014, in Poetry and tagged DoubleU, John White, Poetry, Stream. Bookmark the permalink. 22 Comments.
Stoically beautiful.
Thank you!
i really enjoyed this piece, and the flow and rhythm worked perfectly .
Thank you! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
I really enjoyed this piece. The image and the speaker’s feelings a great togetherness; the image supports the and intensifies the emotions (brooding thoughts, etc.) without feeling forced. However, in the style of a workshop, I’d like to make not so much a suggestion as an observation. All of your lines end with a comma or a period. As a reader, that stops me at the end of the line. Perhaps consider letting some of the lines run over into the next line. Doing so may let the poem flow (pun intended) a little more, reinforcing the theme and image. For example:
Sitting quietly upon the banks
of the purest source I ever drank…
You see what I mean? There is no hard stop at the line’s end, and as a result the language flows through undivided the stanza.
Again, just a suggestion. A very lovely poem nonetheless.
Thank you for the comment, Morgan. I appreciate the advice as well. The lack of a period (or stop) would help since that tends to slow the reader and prevents the words from flowing, like you said. This was a rather early piece and I’ve since been experimenting a lot with punctuation or lack of it. Again, thanks for your thoughts and for stopping by and reading.
Absolutely lovely 🙂 Lovely imagery as well! I. is my favorite.
Thank you, Julia! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Wow! Beautiful, beautiful words. I have spent the last 9 -10 days very close to some pristine streams and just walking and staring at them, and the words above immediately took me there again. Again, beautifully captured. Regards.
Thank you so much for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Absolutely BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you for the comment! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
You are very welcome. I truly enjoyed it. 🙂
Very serene. I like it. Bravo! 🙂
Thank you for your comment! I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Hi John. Nice Thank you for calling by and liking my poem ‘Not Only’ But also wanting to follow my poetry adventures. The Foureyed Poet.
You’re welcome. Thanks for visiting. I look forward to reading more of your work.
No problem. You’re quite welcome!
Floating blissfully 🙂 lovely!
Thank you for your comment! I’m glad you liked it.
I enjoy your writing style.
Thank you so much! I’m glad you like it.