I had it

I knew I had it

it was coming and I would have it

finally it would be mine

then came a verdict

followed by another

then another

until it left me defeated

what was once so promising

what once I was so sure of

is now in doubt

and further away than ever


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About John White

I've written off and on my entire life. It took years for me to finally take putting words together seriously. Now it's not, nor does it ever feel, like work. Writing daily has become habitual. No day is complete without words having appeared on the page.

Posted on August 7, 2015, in Poetry and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 49 Comments.

  1. Applies to my “wants”, not my “needs”

  2. It’s Delphic, but let’s me thinking hard.

  3. Sounded as if you are lost. So far and yet that close. Excellent poem.

  4. I was reading along expecting to know what “it” was. Then “it” went away. Whatever it was must have been unattainable. Nice poem.

  5. … The unattainable can be the one thing that makes us, or breaks us…

    Adjudication is always a plea… one that is always revocable by vivacity or drudgery…

  6. Dream it Alive

    I always look forward to your words each day.

  7. A motivational speaker I was connected with in the past coined a phrase “What one can conceive and believe one can achieve.” Defeat can be turned into success if and when one turns it into a learning experience. I’ve read your works and I see some struggles but nothing that indicates failure or defeat. Remember the old quote that was popular a few years back, “Been there, Done that.” Seems appropriate does it not?

    • Absolutely that sounds appropriate. This was motivated by a really tough week. I’ve gone through quite a few poem submissions this year and had sent out a large number of them at one point. The week I wrote this I had received 3 rejections – two of which came the same day. It knocked me down and it’s kept me down for a while now but right now I’m left to ask how much work do I need to be ready for publication. Self-evaluation becomes a tough task since writers can tend to think they’re better than they are or they’re the worst critics they’ll ever have. I have some work to do before I jump back into the submission game.

      • Sometimes you can be too hard on your self. Try relaxing your style instead of forcing it. Your comments helped me start back with my blog so I’m offering any help I can to edify and encourage you with your writing. You write better than the average blogger and it seems to me that the best writers are the ones that get rejected the most.

        • I want to be able to write in a narrative style as much as possible though there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of that found in the poetry magazines and journals. It might be how I’m writing and it might be (more likely) the quality of what I’m writing. The thought of relaxing the style and just letting loose with what needs to be said in the poem sure can’t hurt and would make it sounds much more natural.

          It’s great that the comments here helped to bring you back. Don’t give up easily since blogging can be so incredible when dealing with everyone here on WordPress. It’s great to have you back!

          • I will try to stay around this time. My daughter (Katsscribbles) encouraged me to start the blog so we could eventually put together a volume of our works.

            One suggestion I could offer that might help. Try setting a specific number of syllables per line and use a set number of lines to help change directions. (I learned to do that in college and it helped, not only my poetry but my short stories as well.) I”ll try to send some narrative stuff your way some time soon.

            There is nothing wrong with the quality of what you are writing!

            • That sounds like a great idea and I hope you’ll stay with blogging.

              I’ll give that suggestion a try. I’ve worked a little bit like that and found myself feeling restricted but it also helps to learn new methods for doing things.

              Thanks again!

  8. That was beautiful.. You’ve used your experience to turn into a beautiful poem.. Yet again ! And please don’t give up.. I love your work and I’m sure there are million others out there who do too.. Have a good day!

  9. We are the Pro. We are the Con. πŸ™‚

  10. Thoughts inspired by your writing…
    “It” is always elusive… But the vision must be there for attainment.. I’ve experienced that “it” arrives sometimes when least expected… Dejection, rejection makes for humility as its best outcome…
    Thank you … Great piece!

    • No truer words were ever spoken. That rejections is humbling and it does a job of keeping us from getting too caught up in ourselves. It has also caused me to reexamine what I do and how I write it.

      Here’s to all of us continuing with humility and little ego but a LOT of success! πŸ™‚

  11. I really like your choice of the word “verdict” — it adds to the mystery of what is thwarting your poem’s POV. There is an aura of frustration but also of judgment because of it, leaving the reader with a sense of something evoked but not fully understood. Thanks, I truly enjoyed this!

  12. I relate way too much to your writings. I’m going through this right now.

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